Recovery Life; Beginning to "get" treatment

Typical rules at most rehabs / recovery homes / transitional centers.

socialmodelrecovery.org

(Link to Social Model; find info on Royal Palms, Bimini, Rena b, and Omni - some of the recovery homes that I refer to in these related blogs)


Continuing with more experience in my own recovery process, I learned that relapses (times when a person who is trying to stay sober picks up and uses again) are common in many men and women who make a serious effort to live drug and alcohol free.

Addiction, in a very oversimplified way, is a kind of mental conditioning / mental training, where a person comes to rely and depend on anything from a substance to an unhealthy behavior or relationship, to even a state of mind to the point where he has no control over the mental obsession and the physical demands to return and repeat, regardless of bad consequences.

It was hard to stay away from drinking, in my case. I had done much harder drugs including heroin and crystal meth and cocaine in the past, and had been able to stop.

But everyone is different, and for me, it was alcohol that my mind and body became intensely addicted to.

In the summer of 2018, I called Social Model and asked for help at one of their drug and alcohol treatment centers.

I learned that under the new Medical regulations of 2017, a person is allowed two 60-day treatments, each with a 30-day extension upon request and acceptance.

Again, I'll remind you that before 2017, treatments lasted for over 6 months easily, and many patients were granted extended stays in recovery homes.

I learned to go easy on myself for not exactly "getting it" on the first try. It wasn't easy. It wasn't something that I could just fix about myself.

At first I was very hard on myself, which only made me angrier at myself, and added to the issues that I already had which drove me to drink and stay addicted.

At the new recovery home, Bimini house, I finally began to get some real treatment and some understanding about the reasons that led me to seek that comfort in drugs and to eventually depend on alcohol.

Bimini is named after the street that it is on, Bimini Place, located in Korea Town, near Hollywood. It is a co-ed facility, though when I went through treatment there, men outnumbered women.

Aside from being co-ed, Bimini was smaller in size and employed 5 counselors for about 40 patients; as opposed to Royal Palms, the first treatment center that I went to, which employed only 2 counselors for over 60 patients.

At Bimini, I did not get involved in any extra duties at first, though after some time, I began helping out more in the kitchen.

I had been working with a therapist since 2017, and continued seeing her while at Bimini. Along with the group therapy at Bimini, and classes on Coping Skills, Relapse Prevention, Anger Management, Triggers, and more; I began to know what kind of warning signs to look out for in my thoughts and in my feelings of frustrations or sadness, in my behaviors and in more ways that I dealt with life that ultimately led me to addictive patterns.

I began opening up more to my therapist, and I began being more honest with my counselors.

I began to trust people again.

For some time, I was just overwhelming myself with my own ambitions and self-expectations. I've always pushed myself and I had to return to the source of that and many other ways of thinking and behaving that I learned from my parents as a child and from other influences growing up.

There was also the aspect of spirituality in my life, and for many, this can be very complicated.

All 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous incorporate the notion of a Higher Power to rely on in order to obtain and maintain sobriety. And like the Royal Palms, there were various 12-step meetings at Bimini every night.

It wasn't always easy for me to sit through those meetings because of my own past experiences with members of Alcoholics Anonymous, but I was able to get passed them, and pick out the things that worked for me.

So, I will write a whole separate blog about the spiritual aspect in these treatment centers and how that has or hasn't worked in my life.

I completed 45 days altogether at Bimini, and then chose to leave on my own.

I returned to the Sober living home, Beacon of Hope, but continued to Relapse and still struggled with myself.

But I learned that recovery is a very personal process, and sometimes it takes some rough relapses for some people who like myself, tend to learn some things the hard way.

My withdrawals from alcohol became more severe, hospital stays became common; I was beginning to truly see that I was fighting for my life.

But all of this was still new to me, and I was not done with my using yet. If I was ready and meant it, I believe I would have stopped with the right help.

I wasn't ready.