You will hear about God in recovery most of the time.
In Alcoholics Anonymous and all related 12-step groups, you will hear about Higher Power (HP).
Many people struggle with it. Many at first don't understand why there is any God business in sobriety.
As far as the 12 steps, accepting and relying on a Higher Power happens right away in steps 2 and 3.
But this is not about religion, it's about spirituality.
The image of Jesus at the beginning of this blog on is the image that I prayed to when I had my own Christ awakening.
This image is still up at a sober living home called Beacon of Hope, in L.A., near MacArthur Park - also near a rehab called Royal Palms.
Beacon of Hope:
Contact David, 323-282-0817
Royal Palms:
Contact Social Model, 626- 332-3145
I had finished my first rehab at Royal Palms and at the last minute was referred to Beacon of Hope. But at Beacon, I could not stay sober.
I could list many reasons for why I continued using, but the bottom line is that I was not ready to stop, and that I had not admitted and accepted the seriousness of my dependency on alcohol.
I was stubborn about doing it on my own, even though I had already reached out for help.
I needed something more, so when I tried to return to Social Model Recovery Systems, there was an issue regarding the amount of time that I had sober and the amount of time of detox from alcohol.
Some treatment centers and programs don't accept just anyone right away. There are centers just for detox and I will write about those as well.
I wanted to return to treatment again and Social Model mentioned that there was possibly a bed at Bimini, in Korea Town; but I was not admitted right away.
I called a social worker to advocate for me, and we were set to meet on a Friday.
The Thursday night before that meeting, Beacon of Hope had a house meeting where the general manager reminded us that we were in a faith-based program, and that faith in Jesus Christ was the way that the program went.
He also said to us, "All of you here are miracles. Something broke in your life that brought you here, and you are all miracles just to be alive and here tonight."
On Friday morning, I was up early, anxious to meet with my social worker and to hear back from Social Model.
So I got dressed and went to the public area and I picked up a Bible that was on the podium which was used at the meeting the night before.
I opened it arbitrarily and it opened to John 10; the story of The Good Shepherd. I sat down quietly and read it and I remember words coming into my mind and heart that said, "He calls you by name...He searches for the one lost sheep...He lays down his life for you...Guides you so that you may have life, and have it abundantly," and more.
And I looked up at the image of Jesus in the room and it was of Jesus with a burning heart, carrying a lamb - The Good Shepherd.
I prayed and said, "Jesus Christ, please make me a miracle. Just like you healed the blind and lame and sick, and even rose Lazarus from the dead; take away this addiction, take away this problem that is too much for me; show me where to go and what to do."
I was praying with faith and wanting what I was asking for badly because I was so tired of myself and felt so confused and lost.
How can someone as strong as myself be so helpless?
But I wasn't altogether hopeless.
And 15 minutes before my social worker came to meet me, Social Model called me and the woman who interviewed me asked me some questions.
In order to get into Bimini, I lied to her and told her what I thought she wanted to hear. But my story didn't add up and she rejected me because she found my answers to be inconsistent! She knew I was lying; and I knew that she knew, so I just stopped and told her the truth.
After I told her the whole truth about me trying at my first treatment and then relapsing at Beacon of Hope, and how badly I wanted to get in that I told her what I thought others had told me to say to guarantee that I got in, she let me in.
"I appreciate your honesty," she said, "and I have a bed for you. Be at Bimini at 9am, Monday morning."
This all awakened a connection that I wanted to have with God, but never took the time to develop.
Spirituality is a strong part of me and of many others, despite the roles we play in public for our loved ones and our social appearances and our jobs and hustles.
It's there. Spirituality is necessary and I finally woke up to that the way that I needed to, not only for my sobriety but for my age and my way of life.
I've always believed in God - it's scary to think that man is the most supreme being, and it's something inherent in our human condition, I think, to want to and to even like to believe in a greater intelligence * a higher governing force * a higher power * or as I say, God.... And I choose to relate more to the God that I was taught as a boy, but with the mind of a man now.
So I began to put my faith in Jesus Christ. I began to read His story more and more. I began to pray to Him and to think of God throughout the day.
This opened a whole other connection to other believers in a Higher Power, especially in Jesus Christ, who chose forgiveness over misery and punishment, and chose to love and appreciate themselves as well as others.
I began to want to help myself more seriously and to appreciate being sober for the sake of being there to help others however I could.
It turned out that my cooking skills began to play a big role in that way of thinking, and I'll talk about that more soon.
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