Recovery Life; Beginning to "get" treatment

Typical rules at most rehabs / recovery homes / transitional centers.

socialmodelrecovery.org

(Link to Social Model; find info on Royal Palms, Bimini, Rena b, and Omni - some of the recovery homes that I refer to in these related blogs)


Continuing with more experience in my own recovery process, I learned that relapses (times when a person who is trying to stay sober picks up and uses again) are common in many men and women who make a serious effort to live drug and alcohol free.

Addiction, in a very oversimplified way, is a kind of mental conditioning / mental training, where a person comes to rely and depend on anything from a substance to an unhealthy behavior or relationship, to even a state of mind to the point where he has no control over the mental obsession and the physical demands to return and repeat, regardless of bad consequences.

It was hard to stay away from drinking, in my case. I had done much harder drugs including heroin and crystal meth and cocaine in the past, and had been able to stop.

But everyone is different, and for me, it was alcohol that my mind and body became intensely addicted to.

In the summer of 2018, I called Social Model and asked for help at one of their drug and alcohol treatment centers.

I learned that under the new Medical regulations of 2017, a person is allowed two 60-day treatments, each with a 30-day extension upon request and acceptance.

Again, I'll remind you that before 2017, treatments lasted for over 6 months easily, and many patients were granted extended stays in recovery homes.

I learned to go easy on myself for not exactly "getting it" on the first try. It wasn't easy. It wasn't something that I could just fix about myself.

At first I was very hard on myself, which only made me angrier at myself, and added to the issues that I already had which drove me to drink and stay addicted.

At the new recovery home, Bimini house, I finally began to get some real treatment and some understanding about the reasons that led me to seek that comfort in drugs and to eventually depend on alcohol.

Bimini is named after the street that it is on, Bimini Place, located in Korea Town, near Hollywood. It is a co-ed facility, though when I went through treatment there, men outnumbered women.

Aside from being co-ed, Bimini was smaller in size and employed 5 counselors for about 40 patients; as opposed to Royal Palms, the first treatment center that I went to, which employed only 2 counselors for over 60 patients.

At Bimini, I did not get involved in any extra duties at first, though after some time, I began helping out more in the kitchen.

I had been working with a therapist since 2017, and continued seeing her while at Bimini. Along with the group therapy at Bimini, and classes on Coping Skills, Relapse Prevention, Anger Management, Triggers, and more; I began to know what kind of warning signs to look out for in my thoughts and in my feelings of frustrations or sadness, in my behaviors and in more ways that I dealt with life that ultimately led me to addictive patterns.

I began opening up more to my therapist, and I began being more honest with my counselors.

I began to trust people again.

For some time, I was just overwhelming myself with my own ambitions and self-expectations. I've always pushed myself and I had to return to the source of that and many other ways of thinking and behaving that I learned from my parents as a child and from other influences growing up.

There was also the aspect of spirituality in my life, and for many, this can be very complicated.

All 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous incorporate the notion of a Higher Power to rely on in order to obtain and maintain sobriety. And like the Royal Palms, there were various 12-step meetings at Bimini every night.

It wasn't always easy for me to sit through those meetings because of my own past experiences with members of Alcoholics Anonymous, but I was able to get passed them, and pick out the things that worked for me.

So, I will write a whole separate blog about the spiritual aspect in these treatment centers and how that has or hasn't worked in my life.

I completed 45 days altogether at Bimini, and then chose to leave on my own.

I returned to the Sober living home, Beacon of Hope, but continued to Relapse and still struggled with myself.

But I learned that recovery is a very personal process, and sometimes it takes some rough relapses for some people who like myself, tend to learn some things the hard way.

My withdrawals from alcohol became more severe, hospital stays became common; I was beginning to truly see that I was fighting for my life.

But all of this was still new to me, and I was not done with my using yet. If I was ready and meant it, I believe I would have stopped with the right help.

I wasn't ready.

Lighten Up About Recovery Life

LIGHTEN UP ABOUT RECOVERY LIFE: Some humor and stories outside of the regular stuff

TV room/Meeting room at a treatment center in South Central LA

An 8-foot "Spread" - Spread is commonly cooked in prison, made of Ramen on the outside, and everything from potato chips to canned food and dressings on the inside - This one made to celebrate birthday of a counselor at a rehab in Korea Town who once did time in prison.

Me at a regular job, cooking for City Club, 51st Fl of City National Bank building DTLA

A house manager from a Sober living home, Beacon of Hope, near DTLA and MacArthur Park area, BBQing

Good cooking I do, working with the very basics, at a rehab in LA today.


So in the past posts about rehab so far, I talked about how I first got into this whole world, with no idea of what I was getting into.

When I was first admitted to the Royal Palms in late 2017, I was placed in an Intake Room with 3 other guys, before moved to a 2-man room.

In this room was Robbie; a huge, bald homie covered in tattoos; Shane - a big Irish guy; and Alex, who slept all the time. We called Alex Sleepy Hollow.

The thing is that these two other big guys and I happened to be chefs/cooks, so here we are in rehab and Robbie especially looking all hardcore, and we would be up all night talking about recipes and crazy kitchen stories and other hilarious things. We gave Robbie a porn name: Robbie Rims.

One night, Robbie says to me, "I'm going to hypnotize you." He had taken Anger Management classes in prison, and what he did to me was like a guided meditation that was really great! I've done it to other people and it's relaxing and pretty cool.

Anyhow, I did my first 90-day rehab and I was elected Resident Council President, which messed me up because those responsibilities were very distracting. But before that, I worked in the kitchen with the main cook whenever it was my turn for Kitchen Duty.

Betty was her name and she would put on her old school soul classics and we'd be singing in the kitchen preparing food, or I would be cleaning or helping serve. She trusted me.

Around that time they had hired another cook and the whole house used to say that he was on crack.
He was sketchy and he'd disappear for a while during work and looked like he needed sleep.

One morning I remember he called me over to him and pointed to the building across from ours, and asked me if I saw someone in the window looking at us! Sketchy. He didn't last too long.

There was a story that Snoop Dogg's uncle went through that rehab and donated a lot of what is the gym there. Royal Palms has a really good gym.

One of the crazy things is that despite being in this house full of men, many still coming off drugs, many with mental issues and on psych meds, and many just angry and frustrated; there were never any big fights that I remember. There were tons of jokes and maybe some hard words exchanged sometimes, which everyone ended up laughing at, but no real fights.

So I finished my 90 days at Royal Palms and went to a sober living home at the last minute, as an only transitional housing resort, called Beacon of Hope.

Again, I had no idea what I was getting into, but it made sense to go to a sober environment and stay connected to sober people before getting a normal job again and paying rent and living a regular life.

This particular sober living takes GR (General Relief) and Food Stamps as payment. They also take SSI (disability) and other forms of payment.

I mentioned to the managers that I was a cook, and very soon, I was helping out as a volunteer in that kitchen.

Some years before, I cooked at a facility for 20 disabled people called Washington Terrace, and I got a taste of using my skills for people with needs, instead of working in prestigious kitchens, looking for more money and climbing the ladder in that line of work.

So I cooked a lot at Beacon of Hope. After a while, I took over breakfast, lunch and dinner. One of the managers overlooked the kitchen and he appreciated my help and taught me a lot, just like any other chef at a restaurant could teach me. This manager makes some of the best BBQ ribs anywhere!

One thing that I learned about sober living homes is that not everyone in there is so sober. There were men, young and older, who were obviously drunk or high on something; and it wasn't easy to just get used to that at first.

Some men there didn't necessarily have an issue with drugs or alcohol, but found it cheap to live there. Some were homeless, some just wanted to save money, some didn't want to or couldn't work, etc. Men were there for different reasons.

I began to consider work and got my resume together, but I wasn't ready. Instead, I got real caught up in cooking at this sober home and at the time, there was a lot to do in order to get the kitchen in shape and maintain it. On top of that, the house was getting many donations from Vons and I was organizing everything.

I didn't think that I would end up putting Beacon of Hope on my resume, but today is, and I know that I can count on a good reference.

Despite that, it felt good to be of service and to cook in this way for people who really needed it. It was more fulfilling and personal.

Here is where I began to really change my perspective and get a new direction in my life. And that was a big part of my problem that led to my addiction in the first place.

But like I said before, I wasn't ready and I was moving too fast, trying to do too many things. I relapsed- not just once, but a few times. I had 2 seizures there because of alcohol withdrawal.

In the summer of 2018, I decided that I wanted to try rehab again. I didn't think 3 months was enough, especially when I spoke with others who told me that they went through rehab for at least 6 months.

But under the new Medical regulations of 2017, rehab treatment centers only offered 60 days with a 30 day extension if you qualify for the extension.

That's all for now.
I will keep posting about my own story, and about the state of all this recovery business as I understand it today.

Recovery Life, A Personal Intro to Treatment

socialmodelrecovery.org

Dave Sanchez, from Strke Out Against Drugs and the sober living home, Beacon of Hope, in the middle of the group during a documentary produced by Voices for Humanity, where he gave a presentation to youths at a summer program in East L.A.

The link above takes you to the main website of Social Model Recovery Systems, Inc., which is a government regulated program that falls under the Department of Health.

In 2017 Social Model took over several rehab centers that used to belong to a private foundation called Mary Lind Foundation, and many things changed under new Medical regulations.

Beginning where I left off in my last post, in 2017 I returned to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, but felt I needed more, so with the persuasion of my therapist I called one of the treatment centers on a list and began my connection with Social Model and The Royal Palms.

The link above has info on all of Social Model treatment centers, including Royal Palms.

After a phone screening, I was told to interview at the Royal Palms, so within days, I interviewed and was admitted to my first rehab.

The most important thing in the process was that I had Medical, because under Social Model, Royal Palms relied on clients who paid with Medical.

I began to learn the schedule and attend groups where the all-male home discussed topics such as Coping Skills, Relapse Prevention, Anger Management, Addiction, and more.

There were also Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous meetings every night.

I began to learn things about my drug and alcohol use that had more to do with emotional control and self-awareness than partying and having a good time.

However, before 30 days, I was elected Resident Council President and the rest of my time in treatment became very distracted and sidetracked.

Before Social Model, treatment under Mary Lind Foundation lasted for about 6 months or more, and clients were allowed extended stays that could last for years until they were ready to transition back into society.

Under new 2017 Medical guides, clients received a 60 day treatment program, with an extra 30 day option. 3 months.

For someone new to recovery like myself, and especially new to rehab and drug and alcohol treatment programs, there was an unacknowledged pressure to recover in 3 months.

On top of that pressure, I had many duties as Resident President, and was often more concerned with clerical work than with any group therapy, group classes, or anything related to treatment.

I tried to talk to one of the two counselors that the house of over 60 men had, but they were always busy adjusting to the Medical procedures that involved new software with standardized fields to fill in order to account for all clients.

I ended up relapsing right before my 90 days were up, but they allowed me to stay and complete my program.

Part of the appeal to work with the Royal Palms was that in the initial intake interview, a counselor said that they would help me find transitional housing after 90 days.

But we hardly met, counselor and client, at all; and I remember when I was feeling stressed over the Resident President duties, telling my appointed counselor that I didn't want to do those duties anymore, and his response was that I was"being of service," and that was an important part of my recovery.

In the end, I didn't get much treatment because of the distractions and I was given a last minute resort to housing at a sober living home called Beacon of Hope.

At Beacon of Hope, I offered to volunteer as a cook, and they were very much in need of one.
I cooked a lot for the house at first, and then began working with one of the house managers, Dave Sanchez, who directed an organization that he created called Strike Out Against Drugs.

Though this was a sober living home with over 50 men - they offered 80 available beds; many of the men there were not always sober.
I relapsed a few times before looking for more treatment. The General manager always allowed me to stay.

But I knew that I still needed something more, so I called Social Model again, and soon was admitted into my second treatment program.

I will continue to post more about my recovery story.
That's all for now.

Recovery Life

In 2017, I had to stop everything and get a hold of myself. I lost myself. I was older and wanted more out of life, but I couldn't find a direction or a purpose.

So I went to rehab. My drinking was out of control. I had over time trained myself to rely on alcohol, of all things, to handle life and the pressures that I put on myself.

But what do you do in rehab?
The photo of the schedule posted above shows a typical schedule at a typical rehab.

I was googling things like, "what do you do in rehab" - and truly, I wouldn't find much helpful info out there. So if you're curious or know someone who might be, stay tuned, because I want to tell you about my experience with it, good and bad.

I'll keep these posts as short as I can, but first, here's a little background:
My first attempt to even consider sobriety waa in 2008.
My roommate suggested that I try an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, and I did, and I was curious, and I got a sponsor (someone who mentors you through the AA program).
This was in Syracuse NY.

My first sponsor was very well regarded in the AA community and had 20 years sober time. But he wanted to have sex with me and even confessed to me that he was in love with me and offered me the key to his apartment.

Welcome to recovery. This is just MY story.

I left NY and moved to LA and nothing was what I expected out there. I'm still in LA now, and I still don't exactly fit in.

When I moved to LA, my hometown, my mother began to notice my drinking, and she really wanted me to give AA another chance; so I did.

I got another sponsor - and the thing is that people in AA always strongly suggest to get a sponsor. It's part of the program. So i asked around about this guy who had over 5 years sober time and regularly attended meetings and he became my sponsor in LA.

Within a few weeks, he hit me out of nowhere with this: "Alejandro, I know you've been looking for work out in Hollywood. Do you think you can score me some extasy?"
And he O.D.'d in a motel in Pasadena.

But believe it or not, I didn't give up.
I still attended meetings and I went with a third sponsor, a woman this time. Also, very recommended, very presentable, and very active in the program.

I called her one day, just to check in, and she said, "I'm sorry Alejandro, but I'm in a bar in Huntington Beach and I'm out of the program right now."

So this was my introduction to helping myself with alcohol and with the changes that II wa going through as an older man who was confused for the moment, and lost - with not a lot of direction, or purpose, or sense of fulfillment in my life.

I was bored. I was not impressed or interested in the same jobs and the same kind of friends, and the same parties.

In 2014, my mom passed away and I really spiralled hard with the drinking and with other irresponsible behaviors, like unprotected anonymous sex.

It took some time, but in 2017, I told off my landlord while I was drunk and she asked me to leave. She meant only to leave for the night, but I was ashamed and I checked myself into a homeless shelter.

My life was gone. I still got good jobs, but I couldn't hang on to them because of drinking.

My withdrawals from alcohol became more severe. I would wake up in ambulances or hospital beds. I had my first seizure due to alcohol withdrawal.

So I returned to AA in 2017 again, and found a very cool group of DTLA people who I still meet with today occasionally.

But AA wasn't enough, and I needed to stop everything, and the therapist I was seeing at the time kept suggesting in-patient treatment.

Finally I made the call and was admitted to an all-male treatment center called The Royal Palms, near DTLA, around MacArthur Park.

The schedule there was similar to the one in the photo posted.

That's all for now.
I will continue my story, and tell you about the recent changes that have taken place in the business of recovery since Medical has taken over many treatment centers.