Recovery Life, Mental Health intro.

Mental Health and Addiction

Geodon, generic name Ziprasodone, prescribed for symptoms of Schizophrenia. Other meds also prescribed to me for same:Seroquel XR, Zyprexa, Latuda.

Inside Hollywood Mental Health: Entrance, waiting room, Dr.'s office.

323-769-6100

1224 Vine St., Hollywood, 90038

In previous blogs about recovery life, I have written about MediCal and its recent impact on drug and alcohol treatment centers.

A little over 20 years ago, I began to suffer from what are called AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS. In common terms, this means that I began to hear things or imagine things in my mind that weren't there, and didn't seem to come from me.

It's tricky to explain. It's like having extra foreign thoughts that don't sound like your own normal thoughts, and even in a different sounding voice than your own.

This is more common than you think.

There are popular blogs about it in the NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) website right now; and there is extensive info on this in Wikipedia or in any search engine search.

Type in Schizophrenia, or Schizo-affective Disorder, or Auditory Hallucination, and you will find info.

NAMI: NAMI.org

Facebook: NAMI Mental Health Service

Doctors at mental health screenings have asked me this in the past:

"Do you hear or see things that aren't there?"

Some go as far as ask:

"Do you hear voices?"

And add:

"Do the voices tell you to hurt yourself or to hurt others?"

20 years ago I did not see a doctor, but today I do. I see a psychiatric Nurse Practitioner at Hollywood Mental Health, photographed above with info.

I only began seeing this doctor (I call my psych) in 2017. 

What motivated me to seek treatment for these "Extra Thoughts," that I call them, was my experience at a drug and alcohol treatment center called Royal Palms in LA.

I didn't know anything about rehab when I decided to try it, and didn't consider how common it could be to find many people with mental disorders there.

Then, I learned that alcoholism and drug addiction is considered a mental disorder and so it is common at a rehab to learn about the disease of addiction as described and explained by different points of view.

The most common is the 12-step point of view that originated in Alcoholics Anonymous in the late 1930's.

Later, alcoholism and other addictions became acknowledged in the medical field more commonly as detox centers and treatment centers became more popular.

Hallucinations of all kinds are parts of the effects of all drugs, including alcohol; and the effects of the detoxification process when coming off many drugs.

Impaired judgement and reaction happens when people drink and use, especially excessively.

But there are long term effects that many people who have used drugs may suffer from, because drugs attack the nervous system and cause damages to brain order and functions.

The voices in people's heads, or Auditory hallucinations, or racing thoughts, reoccurring thoughts, obsessive thoughts, etc., can be common among patients at rehabs.

Also common are mood disorders such as depression, mania, violence, and more.

Many patients who I met at several treatment centers were dually diagnosed by psychiatric doctors and nurse practitioners in Mental Health Centers with addiction, or alcoholism, as well as Depression, or Anxiety, or forms of Schizophrenia.

A Dual diagnosis is common at a rehab.

In some cases, a rehab opens the possibility for discussions and support for mental disorders.

Just knowing that I was not the only person who suffered from mental and mood problems motivated me to see a doctor.

In late 2017, I researched local psychiatrists in the area that I was in, which was near downtown LA and Hollywood, who were covered by MediCal insurance.

I found a doctor on Hollywood Blvd nearby, and to my surprise, he did not screen me or even ask many questions. He had a record of me taking Zoloft for depression once while I was detoxing at a hospital, and within minutes, he prescribed me with Seraquel for the extra thoughts, and an increased dose of Zoloft, and I was out the door.

The Zoloft made me feel sped up and uncomfortable. I couldn't get used to it and it made me feel crazy so I stopped taking it and made another appointment. The Seraquel did not have any effect on the extra thoughts.

I was angry when I saw the psych again and he simply said, "If you don't want to take the Zoloft, don't take it."

And we discontinued the pill.

Soon, the office told me that he was moving to Glendale, which was far away, so I found a new doctor.

At Royal Palms, I had a roommate who also has extra thoughts, and sometimes we talked about these voices in our heads. When we did compare notes, we usually joked about it, and we shared some similarities, but in the end, both of us just wanted them gone.

He was on heavy medication and slept a lot. Many patients at Royal Palms were heavily medicated and I told myself that I didn't want that for myself.

One particular patient who was very heavily medicated needed me to escort him to Hollywood Mental Health one day, so I took him; and despite the neighborhood and location that I thought was not so safe because of many homeless camps nearby, once inside, the center was fine.

So I made an appointment with Hollywood Mental Health and it was the best decision I could have made for my own battle with my symptoms.

At my first appointment, I was pre-screened for some time and I felt like they were doing a proper job at getting to know what was going on with me.

At my second appointment I met my psych, Doreen D., who has stuck with me and done a professional and comfortable and excellent job at helping me as best as she can.

I will post more about mental health, especially the effects that Medi Cal has on it today since 2017's new regulations and practices that arose from the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. "Obamacare."

Recovery Life - The God Part

You will hear about God in recovery most of the time.

In Alcoholics Anonymous and all related 12-step groups, you will hear about Higher Power (HP).

Many people struggle with it. Many at first don't understand why there is any God business in sobriety.

As far as the 12 steps, accepting and relying on a Higher Power happens right away in steps 2 and 3.

But this is not about religion, it's about spirituality.

The image of Jesus at the beginning of this blog on is the image that I prayed to when I had my own Christ awakening.

This image is still up at a sober living home called Beacon of Hope, in L.A., near MacArthur Park - also near a rehab called Royal Palms.

Beacon of Hope:
Contact David, 323-282-0817
Royal Palms:
Contact Social Model, 626- 332-3145

I had finished my first rehab at Royal Palms and at the last minute was referred to Beacon of Hope. But at Beacon, I could not stay sober.

I could list many reasons for why I continued using, but the bottom line is that I was not ready to stop, and that I had not admitted and accepted the seriousness of my dependency on alcohol.

I was stubborn about doing it on my own, even though I had already reached out for help.

I needed something more, so when I tried to return to Social Model Recovery Systems, there was an issue regarding the amount of time that I had sober and the amount of time of detox from alcohol.

Some treatment centers and programs don't accept just anyone right away. There are centers just for detox and I will write about those as well.

I wanted to return to treatment again and Social Model mentioned that there was possibly a bed at Bimini, in Korea Town; but I was not admitted right away.

I called a social worker to advocate for me, and we were set to meet on a Friday.

The Thursday night before that meeting, Beacon of Hope had a house meeting where the general manager reminded us that we were in a faith-based program, and that faith in Jesus Christ was the way that the program went.

He also said to us, "All of you here are miracles. Something broke in your life that brought you here, and you are all miracles just to be alive and here tonight."

On Friday morning, I was up early, anxious to meet with my social worker and to hear back from Social Model.

So I got dressed and went to the public area and I picked up a Bible that was on the podium which was used at the meeting the night before.

I opened it arbitrarily and it opened to John 10; the story of The Good Shepherd. I sat down quietly and read it and I remember words coming into my mind and heart that said, "He calls you by name...He searches for the one lost sheep...He lays down his life for you...Guides you so that you may have life, and have it abundantly," and more.

And I looked up at the image of Jesus in the room and it was of Jesus with a burning heart, carrying a lamb - The Good Shepherd.

I prayed and said, "Jesus Christ, please make me a miracle. Just like you healed the blind and lame and sick, and even rose Lazarus from the dead; take away this addiction, take away this problem that is too much for me; show me where to go and what to do."

I was praying with faith and wanting what I was asking for badly because I was so tired of myself and felt so confused and lost.

How can someone as strong as myself be so helpless?
But I wasn't altogether hopeless.

And 15 minutes before my social worker came to meet me, Social Model called me and the woman who interviewed me asked me some questions.

In order to get into Bimini, I lied to her and told her what I thought she wanted to hear. But my story didn't add up and she rejected me because she found my answers to be inconsistent! She knew I was lying; and I knew that she knew, so I just stopped and told her the truth.

After I told her the whole truth about me trying at my first treatment and then relapsing at Beacon of Hope, and how badly I wanted to get in that I told her what I thought others had told me to say to guarantee that I got in, she let me in.

"I appreciate your honesty," she said, "and I have a bed for you. Be at Bimini at 9am, Monday morning."

This all awakened a connection that I wanted to have with God, but never took the time to develop.

Spirituality is a strong part of me and of many others, despite the roles we play in public for our loved ones and our social appearances and our jobs and hustles.

It's there. Spirituality is necessary and I finally woke up to that the way that I needed to, not only for my sobriety but for my age and my way of life.

I've always believed in God - it's scary to think that man is the most supreme being, and it's something inherent in our human condition, I think, to want to and to even like to believe in a greater intelligence * a higher governing force * a higher power * or as I say, God.... And I choose to relate more to the God that I was taught as a boy, but with the mind of a man now.

So I began to put my faith in Jesus Christ. I began to read His story more and more. I began to pray to Him and to think of God throughout the day.

This opened a whole other connection to other believers in  a Higher Power, especially in Jesus Christ, who chose forgiveness over misery and punishment, and chose to love and appreciate themselves as well as others.

I began to want to help myself more seriously and to appreciate being sober for the sake of being there to help others however I could.

It turned out that my cooking skills began to play a big role in that way of thinking, and I'll talk about that more soon.